Sunday, April 08, 2007

i chickened out

i didn't go to Nandigram...which is why i am here typing in the first place...i let me down...i chickened out...and elsewhere i might produce a long list of excuses but not here...

hmm..so i can't act high and mighty and noble anymore...can't reprimand others for being less interested or not attending meetings...

the thing is, it wasn't as if i wanted to go out of some exalted magnanimous motive (which in itself is quite out of the place and suspect in such cases)...but partly out of curiosity...partly to be able to justify my involvement in this whole issue...

curiosity...to see how people live on in the aftermath of a tragedy of such proportions...how do you deal with genocide? doesn't the mind shut down? how resilient can you be to face such events and go on? is it possible ever to 'go on' at all? in the sense that we mean?

it's such a farce...this vanity of mine...it doesn't matter whether I chicken out or not...it's not important...maybe this is one time that will teach some us to think beyond the 'i', the pettiness of our meaningless existences

2 comments:

Arundhati said...

its not what's happened,but the how and why of the "I" dealing with it that really bugs you.and you suffer coz thats what you want to figure out.to rationalize,to justify.to express to other people.chheh.

and when i say"you" i dont mean people in general.i mean "me" in particular.


hang down your head and die.

Madhura said...

*dies*

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